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| Growing Children | ||
| Pathways Transition Programs Sunday, February 05, 2012 |
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Dear friends and colleagues, You are receiving this because you share with me a commitment to children and families. We know that the obstacles in the path of today's children, the challenges confronting their parents and educators, and the dilemmas faced by those of us who are dedicated to serving them are quite formidable. These challenges are even more daunting when the children and families are coping with multiple issues -- trauma, poverty, family instability, domestic violence and other threats to well-being that make the raising of healthy, well-adjusted children nearly impossible. As a psychologist who has had the opportunity to work with many of you or speak to you at workshops, I want to share with you what we are learning about doing this work, the latest research findings and how they inform our work, and to give voice to the many questions and concerns that we all have. Hence this blog. I hope you find reflected here some of your own questions and observations, as well as something new that will make you think. And of course, your feedback and comments are invaluable -- that's how we build a complete picture. After all we are like the blind men who went to study an elephant, returning home with the conviction that their limited experience of this huge, multifaceted phenomenon was the whole deal! Sunaina R Jain, PhD
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This Issue…
The Blind Men and the Elephant
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Growing up in India (talk about a complex, multifaceted culture!) I remember reciting a poem about six blind men and an elephant. In second grade (or so) our teacher split us up in groups to enact famous poems, including the one about the blind men who went to study an elephant, and I was one of the "blind men" (although I can't remember what part of the elephant I got to experience!). On many occasions as an adult I have racked my brain for the words to this poem. Memory being what it is (mostly being complicated by experiences and urgencies that push old stuff back to make room for what we need to remember for every day life) my strenuous efforts to recall what I had memorized in second grade yielded no results. So, imagine my delight when the wonders of the internet reunited me with these long lost words! Not only the words, but a marvelous illustration can be found at www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/blind_men_elephant.html Enjoy! |
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I often speak to groups of professionals who work with children and families. In training Pathways staff or at workshops I conduct for DFCS, social service agencies and other professionals, I often start with a reference to this poem. It helps to communicate something that I deeply believe, and it is this – people are complex and "people business" is complex as well. It is vital that we maintain awareness of this complexity and realize that individually we understand a limited aspect of the whole, but when we come together and share our observations and impressions, we have a better chance of understanding the bigger picture. This is true in our professional lives as well as our lives as members of families and community groups. It is human to want closure, to believe you have the whole picture. We are not comfortable with "not knowing", we don't much like ambiguity. You know that uncomfortable feeling of being uncertain? Don't you usually want an answer, a decision as fast as you can get to one? Psychological research has shown for a long time that this is universal. To learn more about the fascinating findings of experiments conducted by Gestalt psychology researchers on how we perceive things and how we make sense out of what we experience you may be interested in following this link: http://psychology.about.com/od/sensationandperception/ss/gestaltlaws_6.html From infancy on, all of us try to make sense of the experiences we have. So let's consider Baby A, who gets a lot of attention, whose needs are anticipated and met without delay, whose parents hearts are overflowing with love that they happily express… this baby is likely to grow up believing that the world is a pretty cool place, that people can be trusted, that "I matter". On the other hand, Baby B's start in life is marked by instability, his cries are ignored, he doesn't get held and cuddled, may hear the frightening noise of adult fights, maybe even gets physically hurt. What kind of "sense" do you think Baby B can make of the world? What kind of worldview, or "philosophy of life", might this child be developing? Can he believe that he "matters"? We approach every new experience with expectations that reflect this worldview that we have been refining since we drew breath. So, when experiences confirm our worldview, we say to ourselves, "I was right!" On the other hand, when experience challenges our worldview, we don't give in so readily! We say, "It can't be so!" and set out to prove ourselves right. It takes a lot to convince us to change, especially when the belief being challenged was acquired under unpleasant or frightening circumstances. So by the time he's old enough to go to school, Baby B's early experiences will have prepared him to fend for himself, to not trust anyone to care enough about his needs, to settle differences with aggression and be lost in the world of school and community where most people don't hold such severe beliefs. Conversely, he may find himself in a school and community where many of his peers hold the same beliefs, thus reinforcing his view of the world as unfriendly and unsafe, a place where one has to protect oneself. In our respective professions we come in daily contact with children like Baby B, and in our attempts to help him each of us brings a unique perspective. When we all get together to talk about him and come up with a shared understanding, our efforts are challenged by the "blind men and the elephant" phenomenon. Baby B's teacher is most concerned about his disruptiveness in her class, his DFCS caseworker's focus is on Baby B's mother completing her case plan while Baby B's mother is preoccupied with the intrusiveness of all these agencies in her life and unsure how to meet their expectations. Meanwhile, Baby B's therapist worries about his "low self esteem". How does such a group arrive at a consensus? I call the model that guides our work at Pathways the "Kaleidoscope" model. Just as a slight shift causes the pieces in a kaleidoscope to form a new pattern, a slight shift in awareness causes our worldviews to shift and make new sense of our lives and our options. "Kaleidoscope" helps us to remember that the goal of our work is to help individuals shift their worldview to accommodate information and realities that had been excluded. So when we meet a child whose behavior reflects a lack of trust, we first attempt to understand this lack of trust and ask ourselves how we can help him begin to trust again. Behavior change follows swiftly (and more importantly, this change is lasting) when a young person is willing to risk examining his worldview. Witnessing this shift is a great reward and honor. |
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